Recently, a friend in one of school’s Batchmates WhatsApp group announced that he’d be posting regular updates on topics close to his heart and profession. I was thrilled — finally, someone has stepped up! You see, school and college Batchmates WhatsApp groups are usually run by a handful of enthusiastic members who passionately debate the latest sports matches, politics, gossip, quirky forwards, or the much-beloved ‘get rich quick’ schemes. Then there are folks who mostly send ‘Good Morning’ and “Happy Birthday’ greetings. Finally, there’re people like me — the ones who occasionally throw in a nugget of introspection or know-how, hoping for some deep conversation, but much like a stand-up comedian at a tax seminar, our thoughtful posts are often met with… ‘stand in the corner’ response, or a silent and strategic overlook.

I am told by a few confidants that my posts tend to flirt with pseudo-intellectualism, i.e. attempting to probe deeper into intellectual discourse but falling short. Many view efforts of our types with a degree of disdain, dismissing them as overly contrived. Really! Don’t get me wrong, the gossip and sports banter have their place, and I can enjoy a cheeky debate about the latest political hullabaloo or a celebrity scandal just like anyone else. But let’s face it, college WhatsApp groups are more about winding down, laughing, and sharing the light-hearted stuff. So, when my friend started sharing his musings, I felt like I’d found a kindred spirit! In a moment of enthusiasm, I announced that I too would be posting regularly. After all, how hard could it be to keep up a steady stream of content, no matter how contrived it might seem to my confidants, and batchmates? Spoiler alert: it’s harder than it looks. But a soldier, one who has made a public announcement, must persevere and deliver!

So here I am, fulfilling my promise with this Friday post. And what better topic to discuss than the types of posts that truly shine in these closed WhatsApp groups! Let’s face it — certain posts light up the chat with reactions, while others, like my introspective intellectual-contrived musings, are left standing quietly in the corner, much like that short kid who always gets picked last (or never) in the football team. Here are the five types of posts that guarantee to get everyone’s fingers flying across their keyboards:

1. The Holy Trinity: Sports, Politics, and Gossips

This is the gold standard of WhatsApp chatter. Share anything remotely related to the latest cricket match, a political scandal, or a juicy bit of celebrity gossip, and you’ll see the typing notifications go into overdrive. The debates are fierce, the opinions are passionate, and the group quickly loses track of who’s arguing with whom, many a time ‘on what’ also. Whether it’s a last-minute score, a dodgy political move, or who’s dating whom in Bolly, Tolly, or Holly Woods, the soldiers are ready to spread the light and fire.

The Social/Psychological reason behind the popularity of these topics is perhaps that these topics tap into our primal instincts — tribalism at its finest. Whether it’s supporting our favourite team, defending a political opinion, or spreading a bit of harmless gossip, these conversations build camaraderie (or rivalry) like nothing else. And let’s be honest, we all love drama.

2. The New Gene of Meme

Nothing garners more immediate responses than a well-timed meme. Especially if it’s making fun of current events, the absurdity of adulting, or, well… ourselves. In seconds, the group becomes a meme festival, with everyone piling in with their personal favourites.

The Social/Psychological reason behind the popularity of these topics is perhaps that humour is instant gratification, and memes offer a shared cultural reference point without requiring any actual effort. Besides, who doesn’t want to be the person who dropped the meme that made everyone spit in tears?

3. Throwback Pics – Nostalgia Overload

Post an old group photo from our college days, and brace yourself for a flood of responses. Suddenly, everyone’s tripping down memory lane, reminiscing about the ‘good old days’ when we had more hair, no wrinkles, and no clue how bad our fashion choices were. Many folks now have gray or no hair, wrinkles, and no sense of fashion even to this day.

The Social/Psychological reason behind the popularity of these topics is perhaps that Nostalgia is a powerful thing. It taps into a shared sense of identity, reminding us of simpler times when our biggest worry was whether we’d make it to the next lecture, not how we’re going to balance work, life, and endless WhatsApp notifications. Reliving those glory days (or at least pretending they were glorious) is an easy way to get everyone talking.

4. Food Pics – The Great Unifier

Post a picture of your latest fancy meal, preferably continental or hardcore local, irrespective if it’s from a posh restaurant or your kitchen, and watch the emotions explode. People start asking, “Where’s this place?” or “What’s the occasion?”. And before you know it, you’ll have a full-blown debate about the best biryani spots in town, or whether vegetarianism is the way forward for better health and environment.

The Social/Psychological reason behind the popularity of these topics is perhaps that Food is the great equaliser. Everyone eats (hopefully), and everyone farts an opinion on what’s good. Plus, it’s far easier to gush over a plate of delicious-looking sushi or seafood than it is to engage in a pseudo-intellectual or pseudo-philosophical debate.

5. The Daydream Lottery – Get-Rich-Quick Schemes

This is classic. Someone drops a post about the next big ETF and MF, or a stock tip, and suddenly, you’d think we were all about to retire by the weekend. Speculative debates begin, with everyone weighing in as if they’re seasoned investment guru. Some throw news of what Mr. Ambani is doing, others chip in news about Bezos’ billion dollar ribbed abs, and finally there is a group member whose portfolio of stocks and realty have now become “public affair” matter for the erstwhile group.

The Social/Psychological reason behind the popularity of these topics is perhaps that the lure of easy money is irresistible. We all love the idea of striking it rich without the years of hard work, and a good get-rich-quick post allows us to indulge in a bit of harmless daydreaming. Throw in a fantasy about a private yacht or a villa (with two new cars parked outside), and you’ve got everyone’s attention.

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And there you have it — the tried-and-tested formula for getting everyone’s fingers dancing in a batchmates’ WhatsApp group. While my introspective musings tend to be met with resounding silence, these are the real crowd-pleasers that get the virtual party started. Who knows one day, we’ll discuss day to day existential dilemmas and the latest score or gossip in the same breath. Amen, so much for today’s pseudo-intellectual contrive :).